Wed, 18 Jun 2008

Incentivise! Incentivise! Incentivise! // at 13:00

Now how is this for serendipity, up until today I had never heard this magnificent new verb(?), then all of a sudden it appeared in a mailing list that I read... and was promptly shot down by the grammar police. Incentivise.. now what the heck is that meant to mean and who on the planet made it up?

Half an hour later and I find that the BBC has compiled a list of the top 50 office-speak phrases you love to hate and there it is at number four! I expect to see the list in The Age in about a week and the Herald Sun a week or so after that, but I could have the order wrong.

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Wed, 23 Apr 2008

What a load of...! // at 11:11

I defy anybody to make sense of the following gibberish:

Today's enterprise network landscape incorporates numerous discrete but interrelated infrastructure elements - applications, databases, services, and hardware - and encompasses a variety of management disciplines, interfaces, tools, and dashboards. Typically, these elements are lashed together with chewing gum and baling wire. Nevertheless, the expectation is that such a patchwork assemblage will work cohesively, even though in practice the cohesion among such diverse sets of components is seldom transparent and never seamless. Run Book Automation (RBA) represents an emerging technology space architected around various sets of standards. Early adopters turn to RBA to address basic enterprise needs for coherent, end-to-end task automation across the IT landscape. These early adopters also typically seek to fill the gaps using turnkey solutions instead of patching site- or system-specific solutions together.

...with apologies to the vendor who sent it to me.


Mon, 04 Dec 2006

Bureaucratic gibberish // at 23:59

The department is experiencing a no-growth period in its operational budget

For #@$A@#$@#$ sake! The entire bloody university and every person in it is pathologically incapable of using the English language to say a single thing in plain ordinary terms. I've sat through meetings where each of the three managers say "at the end of the day" so many times to each other that I start to think that they are taking the mickey, I've heard "going forward" used four times in a single statement, and we are inundated with "issues" because apparently "problem" is now a forbidden word.

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