P-plates, Commodores, baseball-caps. What is it about the combination of the three that leads to such predictably abusive behaviour on the roads?

We’d decided to go for a bike ride from Bundoora to Kinglake West, a few warm-up kilometres along the flat, then the seven kilometre climb up through the forest along the Humevale road. A strong northerly wind made the Bundoora to Whittlesea leg more onerous than necessary, A brief pause at the petrol station before Whittlesea to refuel on jelly-babies, then four kilometres of the thoroughly unpleasant leg of the Plenty road before reaching the Humevale turnoff. Every second motorist seemed determined to run us into the ditch; the afore-mentioned Commodore-driving, baseball-cap-wearing, P-plate displaying young men each trying to outdo the other in obnoxious behaviour, rudeness, or just general aggression.

Thoroughly pleasant to turn off onto the Humevale road for the half-hour climb through the forest. Bird life all around us, including a lyrebird that ran across the road in front of the bikes and vanished into the forest. We saw only a single car on the way up the hill. Unlike some previous rides with more testosterone-fueled company, it was a leisurely thirty-five minutes from wombat-sign to stop-sign — the traditional start and end points of the hill-climb.

A brief rest at the top, then zip up the jackets for the icy descent and a high-speed run back to Whittlesea. We were back there almost before we realised, then not much longer on the bikes found us back in Bundoora and diving into the bakery for a well-earned lunch.