Must be international idiot on the roads day, or maybe just Melbourne Motorised Morons…. A few drops of rain on the way home and two idiots try to hit me, one successfully.

Major idiot number one was the one that missed; traffic was banked up all the way back from the roundabout on Haughton road to North road in the right lane by people wanting to go around and turn right, so what does our hero do? He plants his foot and sends his rice-boy car fish-tailing down the left lane and around the corner and parks in the bus-stop, I caught up as he drove into the bus-only lane. Stupidly I presumed he was simply illegally stopping to pick someone up, but no, he revs the car, glances right and starts to do a u-turn as I’m about half-way past his car! A loud “HEY!” from me is greeted with a shouted “Fuck off dickhead” as he slides the car around in a u-turn and screeches through the roundabout ahead of the ten or so cars he’s managed to overtake through this manoeuvre.

Idiot number two was the far more prosaic daily illegally parked car in the street outside the house — as I went around him and turned left into our driveway he pulled out without looking or indicating and ever so gently ran into my left foot. Didn’t even knock me off, a brief surge of adrenaline and I’d got up the gutter and out of his way.

Bah, neither of them left me bleeding in the gutter, and with no bus-load of lawyers as witnesses there’s stuff-all that our police will do if I tried to report it, so all I get to do is add them to the list of idiots on Melbourne’s roads who try to kill me.